Why, yes. I am creative when it comes to my title choice.
I want to write about my life here in Shelton. I grew up here — lived on the same street my entire life, moved once and it was next door. Went to Christian School, wasn’t super popular, then went to High School and got active in the drama and choir departments which is where I made most of my friends. Wasn’t huge on the dating scene. Went to Running Start. Spent the majority of my high school career frustrated and confused about my sexuality. My mother passed away just before my senior year. And then I moved for college to Missoula, Montana. Then this summer hit.
A lot has happened this summer. It doesn’t feel like it has, really, but in the past three months shit has gone down. I finally battled a depression that has popped up off and on throughout my life. I learned a lot about it, and learned how to beat it. And it was relatively easy. I’ve won this war. But whether I’ve won the war remains to be seen, but now I know how to beat it. I went through a rough patch with a couple of friends and came out of it with minimal scarring. I became a lot closer and more comfortable with my dad. And I came out to my family and have been living the past month or so as fully out.
Needless to say, I’ve gotten to a point where (for the first time since I can remember) I have become for the most part comfortable in my hometown. And I didn’t even realize it until I was driving home from work tonight. Tonight I said goodbye to a few friends and co-workers at Safeway and it made me realize a few things. And now that I’m just over a week from moving to an entirely new town and college, it kind of hit me that I’m sort of sad to leave. Thankfully, this time around it isn’t dreading or as painful as last year.
When I moved from home the first time, I was sent off by four of my best friends at four am. Now, this was something really painful for me because I only recently got a group of friends and suddenly they were going to be gone. And just like I did in high school, I got to Missoula and adjusted. I was depressed a lot of my first semester because I knew one person. I made several friends and became very close with them, however. The second semester was one of the best. So this time around, I was going through something very similar. Which, I’ll go into my Zoo Town friends on another post.
Point is, this time around, things are different. I’m better prepared as a person. And I’m leaving with an excitement. A little regret for leaving friends behind, but ready to start a new life. And I think one of the most essential things I could have done to prepare myself for this, was leave behind my regrets that were waiting for me at home. When I came home for Christmas break, it was like leaving heaven for hell. All of my insecurities and frustrations from high school returned. It happened again this summer, but I mostly overcame them.
Becoming comfortable at home is something new, and I like it. I no longer am resentful to people who wronged me in the past. I can wipe away the clouds and hang out in the sun. I love my hometown. I love where I’ve come from, who my family is, and most of all: I love who I’ve become.